Understanding Men (Humor)

"IT'S A GUY THING"


Translated: "There is no rational thought pattern

connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."



"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"

Translated: "Why isn't it already on the table?"



"UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR"

Translated: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned

response.



"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"

Translated: "I have no idea how it works."



"I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT'S JUST THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND."

Translated: "That girl standing on the corner is a

real babe."



"TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD."

Translated: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum

cleaner."



"THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR."

Translated: "Are you still talking?"



"YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."

Translated: "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot our anniversary."



"I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES."

Translated: "The girl selling them on the corner

was a real babe."



"OH, DON'T FUSS - I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT'S NO BIG DEAL."

Translated: "I have actually severed a limb, but

will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt."



"I CAN'T FIND IT."

Translated: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."



"WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"

Translated: "What did you catch me at?"



"I HEARD YOU."

Translated: "I haven't the foggiest clue what you

just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next three days yelling at me."



"YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE."

Translated: "I am used to the way you yell at me,

and realize it could be worse."



"YOU LOOK TERRIFIC."

Translated: "Oh, please don't try on one more

outfit, I'm starving."



"I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."

Translated: "No one will ever see us alive again."



Cleber Paulino de Oliveira